Militant middle class cycling activism with a selection of soft cheeses


On the left you have working class activism, on the right you have middle class activism.

Let me be clear when I state that I don’t have a dog in this fight.

I don’t drive a car, I never did, I never will. I’m a long-suffering urban asshole in the sense that I do what I’m supposed to do – I don’t own a car, I walk, I use public transport and carpooling.

I am a pedestrian and I cannot stand motorists OR cyclists!

I think there are two types of pilots. Those who are sexually turned on by driving (which seem to be almost all men) and those held hostage to it by decades of poor city planning and pitiful investments in public transport infrastructure.

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Both types of pollution from the climate crisis create vandals and both types seem to hate cyclists with murderous glee.

The number of times I have been a passenger in a car and the driver immediately lets out some hatred of a cyclist when we pass is always surprising as a non-driver, as if you are surprised by the resentment of the driver the most sweet moment when they see a cyclist. It’s like a dog after a cat or a crowd on Twitter canceling friends because they were too white and privileged. It’s instinctive while being superior for no real reason.

My interaction with drivers as a pedestrian is a completely different experience from my philosophical distaste for their pollution production from global warming.

I always make eye contact with the driver when crossing the road and I always recognize with a smile that he has seen me and will not run over me. I always get cheerful smiles and the right of way.

My experience with cyclists is much more antagonistic despite my total agreement with their call to reorganize the city into an austere cycling utopia.

I was hit, pushed, yelled at as angry cyclists passed me on the sidewalk. I think cyclists are so irritated by the abuse they suffer from drivers that they attack pedestrians. The way the Israeli army deals with the Palestinians.

Let me remind cyclists – as pedestrians – that we cannot hear you when you approach us from behind!

I would be a cyclist if they weren’t such patronizing and smug wankers.

There is this terrible truth that once you wake up in the middle class you start doing 5 things:

1 – You begin to loudly correct Te Reo’s pronunciation errors in public.
2 – You become humorless about your veganism.
3 – You pay a subscription to The spin-off and Thing.
4 – You buy concert tickets for Tim Minchin.
5 – You become an unbearable activist for your cycling.

Auckland City Councilor Efeso Collins has previously questioned how police allow middle-class cyclists to cross the bridge, while working-class workers in South Auckland get a type of police very different. This free bridge hashtag stuff was and still is middle-class activism at its best.

It’s like a riot for more trans-friendly preschools.

This revolution is accompanied by a variety of soft cheeses.

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