Ardor – Stet Magazine http://stetmagazine.com/ Fri, 04 Jun 2021 20:25:39 +0000 en-US hourly 1 https://wordpress.org/?v=5.7.2 https://stetmagazine.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/05/default1-150x150.png Ardor – Stet Magazine http://stetmagazine.com/ 32 32 Police body camera captures heart-stopping moment officers find kidnapped 8-year-old girl https://stetmagazine.com/police-body-camera-captures-heart-stopping-moment-officers-find-kidnapped-8-year-old-girl/ https://stetmagazine.com/police-body-camera-captures-heart-stopping-moment-officers-find-kidnapped-8-year-old-girl/#respond Wed, 12 May 2021 07:18:15 +0000 https://stetmagazine.com/?p=380 From the moment that Crystal Merrill arrived for her overnight shift on May 18 at the 911 call and dispatch center in Fort Worth, Texas, the phone would not stop ringing. Police were more than four hours into a manhunt for a suspect in the area and an 8-year-old girl he was accused of kidnapping. […]]]>

From the moment that Crystal Merrill arrived for her overnight shift on May 18 at the 911 call and dispatch center in Fort Worth, Texas, the phone would not stop ringing.

Police were more than four hours into a manhunt for a suspect in the area and an 8-year-old girl he was accused of kidnapping. Her mother said he’d snatched the girl out of her arms during an early evening walk and thrown the child into his car. The suspect was now on the run with the little girl.

As Merrill fielded call after call, tip after tip, she said, her nerves started to get to her. A 30-year-old mother with two kids herself, ages 10 and 5, she said she couldn’t help but feel a strong connection to this particular missing-child case.

“I had heightened senses because…I’m trying to get every piece of detail and see, ‘OK, how should we process this?’” Merrill said. “’Do I just let our officers know or do we actually send a call up and we need to go check this out?’ Every call was like that.”

A few hours later, however, at 2 a.m., a 911 call from a good Samaritan gave Merrill pause. She didn’t know then that it was a tip that would play a key role in the case.

Merrill connected the call to the closest police department in the suburb of Forest Hill. Normally, after connecting the caller with law enforcement, Merrill would hang up, but something made her stay on the line and listen.

“I asked the [the caller], I said, ‘Do you have the license plate of that car?’ And I got the license plate from him,” Merrill said.

She said she thought the call sounded like something Fort Worth police should also check out. She got the alert out to the Fort Worth police and within minutes, she was tracking officer after officer as they arrived on the scene.

Then, all she could do was wait and hope that her instincts had been right.

Every second counted.

Fort Worth Police Sgt. Amelia Heise was the detective on call on that Saturday night when the report came in about a child being abducted.

“I was a detective before I was a mother,” Heise said. “After I became a mother, that protective sense just grew and I could really relate more to the cases and how the parents were feeling. And it really hits home a little bit more after you become a parent.”

Earlier that day, at 6:30 p.m. when the kidnapping was first reported, officers had arrived at a neighborhood tucked into the Fort Worth area. They found the distraught mother and a critical piece of evidence: A man’s doorbell camera had captured the abduction. On the footage, police could see the mother falling onto the street as a car drives away.

“The stranger abductions, they’re rare,” Heise said. “You don’t really get a lot of them, and when I was hearing the details, the seriousness and the unusual nature of it was setting in, and I just knew that this case was different.”

When they interviewed the mother, police said, she told them a man had approached her and her daughter twice. The mother said that when the stranger returned, he grabbed her daughter and shoved her into his car.

The mother fought back and at one point, police said. She told them that she had tried to jump onto the kidnapper’s lap to stomp on the brake, but he’d managed to throw her out of the car and speed away.

“The Ring doorbell video was the only piece of video that was available for this particular case. It was absolutely critical,” said Chris Thompson, a special agent with the FBI’s Crimes Against Children and Human Trafficking Task Force.

“The person who owned the home, essentially, accidentally activated the Ring doorbell at that time. It wasn’t supposed to go off just from a passing car or from a person being observed in the street, as was seen in the video,” he said. “It was accidentally enabled by the homeowner and still captured the critical piece of information we needed.”

The mother was able to give the police a rough description of the suspect, and they had images of his car on the door camera’s surveillance footage. Based on that, police were able to quickly get in touch with vehicle experts to determine the car’s make and model.

“As the officer…was telling me the details that he had at the time…I knew that we had to go, that time was against us and that we just could not move fast enough,” Heise said. “I realized we had 100 things we needed to do, and we needed to do them all at once because we just don’t have time.”

News of the abduction quickly spread in local media and some members of the community also joined the search. Heise said her department reached out to its federal counterparts at Homeland Security and the FBI, which also showed up to help.

Nevertheless, each passing moment weighed heavily on her.

“It felt like time was flying by and that I was moving so slow, and that I just could not move fast enough,” Heise said. “Because I knew we needed to move fast and it just felt like I just couldn’t get it done.”

As word spread, a tip call came in at around midnight to the police in Forest Hill, a suburb just south of Fort Worth. Someone reported a man and a child at a hotel there.

Forest Hill police officers responded to Woodspring Suites, an extended-stay hotel about 7 miles from the street where the girl had been taken. They spoke to a man in Room 333 and even went inside, but reported that they had not seen a child and left.

At around 2 a.m., about eight hours into the manhunt, a new 911 call came in. This time, though, it went into the Fort Worth call center, and Merrill answered.

During that call with her, a good Samaritan reported seeing a car that matched the police description parked at the Woodspring Suites in Forest Hill.

Body camera footage, obtained exclusively by ABC News from the Fort Worth Police Department, shows officers racing to the hotel. As the squad car approaches the hotel, the officer driving cuts the lights out at the last second. His partner is heard asking why.

“If this guy’s looking out the window, I’m not trying to let him see that we’re rolling around,” the officer says in the video.

The officers located and checked out the car in question. An employee provided them with a copy of the driver’s license belonging to the man who’d rented Room 333. Officers were able to determine that the motel patron matched the description of their suspect.

Once they had enough information, a group of police officers and task force agents prepared to enter Room 333.

Body camera footage of what happened next had never been made public before — until now.

The footage shows officers making their way up flights of stairs and getting into position outside of the room. An officer warns the man inside to open the door.

“I’m trying to get dressed,” the suspect inside shouts back.

Officers break open the door and pull the suspect out of the room. The team rushes in, searching for the little girl. At first, they don’t see her.

Then, the officer’s body camera captures the moment when the little girl they had been searching for all night pops her head out of a storage bucket full of dirty clothes.

“Hey, here she is! We got her! We got her!” an officer says.

Cheers and sounds of relief could be heard ringing out among the officers and over their radios as they scooped up the little girl and carried her out of the hotel room.

The girl told officers that the suspect had forced her to hide and threatened to kill her family if she made a sound, police said. She had stayed quiet the first time officers had come to the door, but this hadn’t worked the second time.

“I was in a state of shock,” Heise said. “I was working as hard as I could to find this little girl, and I just couldn’t believe that we had done it. And in that moment, I just felt a great sense of gratitude to the community, because they did this. They did this. It wasn’t us. You know, they’re the ones that were out there doing it.”

The man who had made that crucial 911 call was a pastor who knew the family. He was on the scene when the rescue happened and delivered the good news that the girl was alive and safe to her father on the phone.

Back at the call center, Merrill could hear her colleagues cheering.

“It was like a ton of bricks had been knocked off of me when I found out that they had found her,” she said. “I did cry at work. … I think it was just because my adrenaline was so high and my nerves [were] so bad, and [there was] a sense of, ‘We found her,’ like, no more worrying.”

At the end of her shift, Merrill said, she drove home, woke up her two children and hugged them tight.

“I went straight in and I just hugged my babies,” Merrill said. “It was just a lot because like I said, you could just [keep] thinking, ‘Oh, that could’ve been me.’ And it was good to know my babies were at home.”

In a different part of town, another mother who had grappled with the intense weight of the situation was also holding her children tight.

“I went home, and I sat down at the breakfast table, and everything that I wouldn’t allow myself to feel that night, it hit me and I felt it,” Heise said. “It was so strange. I knew [the abducted child] was — I knew we had her — but I was still experiencing the fear and the stress…that I wouldn’t allow myself to process, and it was pretty intense.”

The suspect, 51-year-old Michael Webb, was charged with federal kidnapping. He pleaded not guilty.

U.S. Attorney Erin Nealy Cox picked up the case instead of delegating it to an attorney in her office.

“I’m a mother of three children, all girls, one of whom is an 8-year-old, just like the victim in this case,” she said. “So I decided that we need to send a message to this community, to everyone living in our community that we would, at the highest levels, be responding to this and ensure that justice was sought and had.”

Meeting with the family of the abducted child, Nealy Cox said, she couldn’t help but imagine what the mother had gone through.

“We met with the family, who is just so courageous and inspirational to me personally about how they were dealing with this,” she said.

At the end of the trial, it took the jury just 14 minutes to convict Webb on the charges. He was sentenced to life in prison with the possibility of parole.

Nealy Cox said the case has had a profound impact on not just her but everyone involved, especially the officers who rescued the girl.

“I mean, it was just an amazing moment. And you can hear it when you hear the patrol officer saying, ‘We got her. We got her. We got her.’ I mean, and you could hear it all over everyone’s radios,” Nealy Cox said. “There was such a sense of relief. And then there was such a sense of worry and concern for the girl to make sure she was OK. How they dealt with her. How they told her she was safe. How they told her that she wouldn’t be put in harm’s way again.”

“They really dealt with it like they would their own child. … And it was really, it was an encouraging [thing] to hear all of that, see how connected they were to this case, even though none of them had ever met this family or knew this little girl before that evening,” she said.

Now the next step is to make sure the little girl who was terrorized and kidnapped can not only survive, but also thrive as she and her family move forward.

“This victim is a profile in resilience, in strength and courage, and she’s definitely the hero of this story,” Nealy Cox said. “She’s doing great. I mean, she’s incredibly resilient. She’s got love of a strong family… [They are] just as brave as she is.”

For Heise, this is one of those cases that she said is going to stay with her for the rest of her life.

“I look forward to seeing her grow,” she said, “and to see her experience all the wonderful things that life can give to her from here on out.”

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Cam’s Madeline Brewer on Curating Her Identity on Instagram and “Playing the Game” of Hollywood https://stetmagazine.com/cams-madeline-brewer-on-curating-her-identity-on-instagram-and-playing-the-game-of-hollywood/ https://stetmagazine.com/cams-madeline-brewer-on-curating-her-identity-on-instagram-and-playing-the-game-of-hollywood/#respond Wed, 12 May 2021 07:12:46 +0000 https://stetmagazine.com/?p=373 Having your identity stolen or being locked out of your social media accounts is a very real possibility in 2018. Cam, a new psychological thriller starring Madeline Brewer, shows just how dark that experience can be. In the film, Brewer plays a 20-something girl named Alice who lives a double life as a cam girl, […]]]>

Having your identity stolen or being locked out of your social media accounts is a very real possibility in 2018. Cam, a new psychological thriller starring Madeline Brewer, shows just how dark that experience can be.

In the film, Brewer plays a 20-something girl named Alice who lives a double life as a cam girl, performing sexualized acts via webcam for money from anonymous sources on the other side of the screen. Online, she goes by the name of Lola, filming herself in her plush pink bedroom, and having full conversations with her “fans” on the cam girl service. The more money she earns, the more popular she becomes, and the higher up she climbs in the ranks of popular cam girls men pay to watch. But one day, Alice notices something off—her account has been not only hacked into, but a doppelgänger has taken her place. Alice’s identity has been stolen, and so have her “points” and the money she has earned from performing as Lola online.

Cam is the combined effort of Netflix and the horror production studio Blumhouse (which is responsible for the distribution of a string of high-impact, low-budget thrillers like Get Out, Happy Death Day, and Game Night). Directed by Daniel Goldhaber and written by Isa Mazzei, the psychological thriller draws from some of Mazzei’s prior experience as a cam girl, but its themes of identity theft, techno-paranoia, and invasion of privacy are universal. Brewer, who has starred in a handful of critical television series, with roles on Black Mirror, The Handmaid’s Tale, and the upcoming Captive State, spoke to W about both the drawbacks and positive aspects of social media, and how she keeps her own identity in check despite being addicted to her phone like the rest of us.

Between your performances on Black Mirror, The Handmaid’s Tale, and now Cam, I have to ask, what draws you to roles that live at the intersection of technology and terror?

We live in such an online age now, and there’s really no going back from that. I’ve always enjoyed stories about the supernatural, and with horror elements. I’ve always found them to be enjoyable and entertaining, but they also make you think, and I really enjoy being a part of projects that when you leave the theater or when you finish an episode, you don’t move on to the next one, you sit with it for a second because it forces you to take a look at something in a way that you maybe haven’t quite yet. I was madly in love with Black Mirror long before I was on the show. I’d thought to myself while watching, If they ever opened this up to American actors, I have to be a part of this! Cam takes something that is so universal—everyone is online, there isn’t a person nowadays who doesn’t represent themselves online in one way or another. That idea of being locked out of an account, or to feel that you’ve lost control on this thing that is the Internet, that truly we all use but I don’t think anybody really understands, we all just know that it works.

That’s true, we put so much of our trust into this entity that ends up having so much control over us, and in the case of Cam, I think you make a good point about the universal nature of experiencing that moment of being locked out from your account and subsequently your identity.

Yeah. I think we’ll see this more with the younger generation, the 12-year-olds, what they will be like as 28-year-olds, growing up online and creating their entire personalities and identities online. It seems like losing a part of yourself, or like you no longer have control over this part of yourself, but it’s not. It’s separate and fabricated.

You mentioned loving the horror genre, and the way that this film opens really draws you right into Alice’s world, shocking the viewer with violence and tension fairly immediately. How difficult was that opening scene—the staged suicide—to film?

That was actually my audition scene. I think that they really had to be sure that someone could understand what is happening in the scene and understand the drive to do something that crazy, for lack of a better word. Alice is completely driven by the response that she gets, and climbing that ladder. You have to understand what she’s willing to go through, and what she’s willing to put herself through and subject herself to, and you have to be able to show that she’s kind of naked, emotionally. She’s letting these people who she’s come to have friendships with online allow her to pretend to kill herself, and to egg her on. When I read the script, it was this brilliant portrayal of trolling online. If you have someone actually saying, “I’m going to go through with this, I’m going to do it,” there are people in this world who would say, “Yeah, we want to see this girl kill herself online.” We’re all so desensitized, I think, and we don’t realize that there is a whole, complex human being on the other side of that screen, and we will say horrible things. Right off the bat, it shows that the way we’ve been desensitized and the way we speak to each other online has become subhuman. I love that that’s the big grab in the beginning.

As an actor, how did you approach telling a story that exists at the nexus of both the performative nature of sex work, which is an occupation, and the performance of sharing yourself online, either through social media or other avenues?

You can replace Alice being a sex worker with being an Instagram model, or YouTube star, or Twitch streamer, and the plot line is still the same. Someone is locked out of their account that houses their online identity, and there’s someone else pretending to be them and doing things that don’t represent them. That’s something we can all relate to. We’re all online, we’re all putting cultivated and curated versions of ourselves online.

What was it like on set to film these extremely vulnerable and sometimes sexually explicit scenes? How much of a priority was safety and comfort for the actors?

If there was any element, any brief glimmer of creepiness, I would not have done this movie because ultimately I’m playing a cam girl, but I’m not a cam girl. That’s not my occupation. That’s not what I’ve chosen to do. I have chosen and I have also been chosen to tell the story of a cam girl, but I think that we confuse that for a minute, and think, Oh, you’re playing a cam girl so you’re totally comfortable doing all of this stuff. No, if I were, I’d probably make a lot of money being a cam girl and I could go do that. If there was even a hint of any sort of creepy vibe I wouldn’t have done it because I needed to be absolutely safe and comfortable on this set, and I was at every turn. It was important to me, obviously, but it was also of the utmost importance to all of our producers and our whole crew that I felt safe to do this job. It’s a heavy lift, and we shot it in, like, 20 days, and I’m in every frame. It was emotionally very taxing.

What were those conversations like between you, the screenwriter, and the director?

There was so much collaboration. We sat down and went through the entire script together, and we talked about where nudity was written and if I felt comfortable doing it the way it was written, or did I think there needed to be less, did I think there needed to be more. All of those decisions were based on my comfort level and my decisions for Alice, and Alice’s comfort level, and honoring that and doing her justice. Often times, I was written fully clothed and I was like, “No, I think she should be in a bra,” or something.

How do you, personally, handle juggling your identity between your public persona and the characters that you play?

That is something that, especially after doing Cam, I’m recognizing my own presence online and who I am online. I have my real Instagram, and I have a finstagram, where I post the stupid stuff that I wouldn’t post on my regular Instagram because no one would get it or like it. It’s difficult because now that I’m at a level where I get recognized on the street, young girls specifically will be like, “I love your Instagram,” and I’m like, “What are you talking about?” [Laughs] They’re like, “Yeah, you just post so much stuff, you’re so glamorous.” I was like, “Dude, what you’re seeing right now, this is actually me. That is a very specific version of myself that is performative and that I pay a decent amount of money to look like because I have to pay people to make me look like that! I’m not a glamorous person.” It’s all part of a game. Hollywood is a game! If you play it right, and you listen to the right people, and surround yourself with the right people who understand who you are and will enhance that and help you make a living out of it, that’s a wonderful thing.

Do you find playing “the game” to be difficult at all?

It’s difficult because you can sometimes get lost in it, and you can lose yourself in it. If I were younger and didn’t have such incredible people around me, I think I would get lost in it. It’s consuming and it’s enticing, and you can get drunk on it, honestly, on thinking that you’re this person everyone else thinks you might be. You have to have a very real and strong support system and a strong sense of self to not be consumed by it, and be chewed up and spit out. That’s how you, in my opinion, stay away from getting lost in the, “Oh, I’m so glamorous, wait, people think I’m glamorous, maybe I’ll try to be more in my everyday life like the person I present myself to be online.” If that’s a better person, that’s great. To me, it’s not a comfortable person.

What do you find to be the good or positive aspects of social media?

There are people that I’ve connected with on social media that I’ve never met, who, especially in this age of everything is available to you online but also people’s opinions on things—people just write their opinions or Instagram Story themselves, and if you follow those people you see that, and there are people in this world who don’t look like you, and if you listen to someone who doesn’t look like you, you will get a good experience. You will see someone who thinks about the world in a way that is completely different from the way you do. I am a petite white woman from South Jersey, and I follow some beautiful, black, full-figured women from the opposite coast who are experiencing life in a way that I will never know and I will never understand. I can empathize and learn and listen, but I will truly never experience that. And that’s the best thing that social media has brought me, is into their world as much as they’ll allow. Into the world of another human being whose experience is different from my own.

In the film, Alice meets up with some of the men she’s communicated with online. Have you ever become real-life friends with anyone you’ve met online?

I mean, I don’t know how much of an actual friendship is a friendship when you’ve never met. You know what, I do feel like, for example, being a fan of people’s work—I follow plenty of actors and actresses online because I appreciate their careers. And all of the sudden, they’re following me, and I send them a message like, “Yo, what’s up! I just saw you followed me. Wanna be friends?” [Laughs] And replying to people’s Instagram Stories. I do that with some of the girls from Dear White People, like Antoinette Robinson, Ashley Blaine Featherson, and Logan Brown. I met them on Instagram before I met them in person. I was just a fan of the show so I followed them all, but I guess they had all seen either Orange Is the New Black or Handmaid’s Tale or something, and we became friends. Netflix family. It also makes it much better that you have friends at parties and events because you’re like, “I know you! We’re friends on the Internet!”

You mentioned having a finsta, and I would guess finstas are still popular because many of us are still finding a need to splinter ourselves off into multiple online identities, which reminds me of the end of Cam, where an entirely new identity is developed for Alice because she needs a job, and despite the horrors she has endured, she continues to work as a cam girl. How do you interpret that ending? Why do you think she keeps going?

I think that, in a very real way, the way I relate to Alice’s ambition is that if somebody told me not to be an actor and not to pursue acting, I’d just be like, “No, you’re wrong. I’m going to keep doing this, and this is my job, and this is what I love, this is my creative outlet. It’s how I make money, this is how I come for a peace of mind. Throwing myself into this makes me a better person.” Those are all true of Alice. I think that you want to say, “Well, she only goes back to this because she’s addicted to being online, she’s addicted to that thrill.” No, she enjoys her work. She enjoys what she does, and she’s passionate about it. She feels like a better, more complete person for doing it, so that’s why she goes back, and that’s why you watch the movie and you don’t want to touch your phone for a few minutes and eventually you’re like, “Well I’ll just hop right back on and talk to people and connect with people.”

We all have a bit of an addiction to being online, I think, but how do you unplug?

How do I unplug? I don’t know that I ever have. [Laughs] Just kidding, I totally have. Often times my boyfriend and I will go up and hike in the Angelina National Forest, like, two hours outside of L.A., and there’s no service there. We kind of unplug and talk to each other. Being in nature is mostly how I unplug. I put my phone on airplane mode and leave it in the car and go out for a hike and just get some fresh air, view some things with my eyes instead of through a screen or camera.

Related: Netflix’s Cam Trailer: Madeline Brewer Plays a Cam Girl Caught in a Deadly Case of ID Theft

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‘Brexit team’ Man Utd, Sir Bobby bullsh*t and more mails… https://stetmagazine.com/brexit-team-man-utd-sir-bobby-bullsht-and-more-mails/ https://stetmagazine.com/brexit-team-man-utd-sir-bobby-bullsht-and-more-mails/#respond Wed, 12 May 2021 07:04:34 +0000 https://stetmagazine.com/?p=346 Keep us going through the international break with your billiant mails. Please send them to theeditor@football365.com.   ‘Brexit team’ Man UnitedThe many issues of this Man Utd team has been the source of many a comment. But no one seems to want to really say what the problem is and keep dancing around it. This […]]]>

Keep us going through the international break with your billiant mails. Please send them to theeditor@football365.com.

 

‘Brexit team’ Man United
The many issues of this Man Utd team has been the source of many a comment. But no one seems to want to really say what the problem is and keep dancing around it. This applies to this sites writers, other outlets, the fans etc. Its always the Glazers this, Ole that, the players this, the fans that and I call bulls**t

Looking at it objectively the problem is United are a Brexit team. Yes i said it! And thats why we will never win until that changes.

Let me elaborate why I say this:
1) Brexit, MAGA and all other simillar movements are based on a fear that the foreigns are taking our jobs/replacing us rhetoric.
In these case its the qualified foreigners running the succesful EPL teams as managers technical directors etc (City, the scouse team, Chelsea, even Wolves come to mind).

2) This results in nostalgia for the good old days, to a precieved time when the group who believes they are disenfranchised are on top.
In this case harking back to the good old days where the team was formed by a backbone of British players and manager. (Mind you we did not achieve as much as we can in Europe at this time even with SAF)

3) The next step is taking reactionary action like Brexit in an attempt to go back to the good old days without considering, maybe the good old days happened, because information wasnt as easily accessible in the past and people from all corners of the world didn’t compete on a (sort of) level playing field as they sort of do now.
In Man Utds case this manifests in actions such as
– hiring unqualified Brits (the guy now managing the hammers, Fletcher, carrick, giggs etc)
– buying British players that are not good enough (Mcguire, James etc)
– reinstating figures from the ‘glorious past’ without adequate qualification, read Ole, as he knows the United way.

As long as this continues we will always lag behind other more worldly teams.  they will continue to replenish their talent pool on and off the pitch with qualified people regadless of where they are from while we seek to capture the glory of the past in a world that has left us and will continue to leave us behind.

I am sure this wont be published but I dare you to
Mike, Atlanta

 

Grealish to United?
Just why is Jack Grealish being linked with man utd? I mean he is a really good player and anyone would want to have him but I don’t see why. Now assuming man utd sign Grealish, what happens then? You ask the coach to drop Rashford for him or Fernandes? I don’t really get it, that is not to say that rashford or Fernandes are better than him or vice versa but you can’t tell me you are buying an 80 million pound player as a squad player! So to me signing Grealish no matter how good a player he is will just highlight the shortcomings of man utd’s recruitment process. If you want a player who is good enough and will be happy to fight for places then surely someone like Barnes will be a better option. Going into who man utd need, I think it is clear they still need Sancho, he should be the top priority, I mean how does a club who want to play with wingers not have a natural right winger for their first team and remain absolutely fine with it, just who is in charge there! They clearly also lack a DM, Matic is the only DM and we saw his shortcomings against Leicester, so I think the club should be looking for younger, faster options like Ndidi or Rice, though, going by the logic of our good friend Louis Van Gaal that man utd can sign anyone then we should be aiming for the man who dominates the midfield and dictates the tempo with such ease and confidence – Joshua Kimmich. As for Haaland, I will advice that we just forget about that one for now, pray Dortmund play hard to get and then get him when his release clause kicks in. In the mean time, we should get Sergio Ageuro for the season and lastly, for CB, I think Pau Torres will be a good fit but kounde might be even better. If you still want competition at RB, then by all means, get your Aarons.
Sadiq, Abuja

 

Solskjaer out
Please Solskjaer has to go.

For three years, he has not done anything to improve the team, despite having a good and
decent team.

He is a nearly man and with no pedigree to lead a club of Manchester United’s magnitude.

Other managers with less quality squads are doing a decent job, not Solskjaer.

He doesn’t know how to get the best of his squads and had lost countless quarterfinals and semifinals.

How can he be trusted with bringing United to the Holy Grail of champions and cup-winners.
Kadir Muhaideen, Life-long die-hard MU Fan

 

Sir Bobby bullsh*t
I’m sorry Mackem Dave but that is just bollocks. I had a season ticket with Newcastle for years (only gioving up a few years ago as a refusal to give ashley any more of my money but that’s a different story). This misremembered narrative of the fans removing Sir Bobby is bullshit. There is a vocal minority at the club just like all clubs that would say crap like that and this gets made into a big misremembered tale by the grateful media, he was treat dreadfully but this was by shepherd and co. not the fans who adored and still adore him, from going to all the games i knew noone who genuinely felt this way and any calls for that were very much the minority.
This is like claiming all Man U fans wanted Ferguson out when things weren’t going their way or that all Liverpool fans want Klopp gone because they’re having a tougher year this time, it’s bollocks amplified by gleeful press so please take your misremembered shit elsewhere thanks
Davie NUFC (The horse punch is embarrassing and shameful though admittedly)

 

In response to Dave from Dublin (Bobby Robson/Souness comments) I have to call that out. I don’t recall a single NUFC fan being happy (indeed there was a lot of sadness) about the decision of the board to sack Sir Bobby, in particular as Souness was a having a horror-show at Blackburn and likely on the verge of being sacked. I believe he was eventually replaced by Mark Hughes who did quite well, but don’t tell Mike Ashley as Sparky will pop up at St James’ before we know it….

On the plus side it has raised the point that all the pundits/trolls tend to ignore. They say Newcastle fans are living in the 90s but in reality we’re dreaming of the Pre-Ashley era. Despite some Dalglish & others inspired drops, from the mid 90s till Ashley’s takeover we were largely in and around the European Spots (we were in the top 5, 5 times from 1995-2005 of, the majority of these finishes were not when led by Keegan but by Sir Bobby) before Ashley’s takeover.

Naturally as a team with at the time I believe still the 2nd/3rd largest capacity stadium in the league, a large following, decent turnover and a talented squad we dreamed of European qualification and maybe sillverware which wasn’t unrealistic at all considering the above.  While you can’t predict the alternative universe in which a Russian-Israeli sugar-daddy decides he likes the North Eastern coastal air or even a ‘normal’ owner comes in there’s a decent chance NUFC are being talked about as a Spurs level club right now in those circumstances.

With that in mind one genuine question for the F365 community, is there a ‘bigger’ or comparable club to Newcastle who haven’t won a major (not including Intertoto or Championship here) trophy since the Inter-city fairs cup in 68-69….? It seems every other club has won at least a League cup. But perhaps that’s just us being classic Newcastle fans, asking for way too much.
Tarqs, Woolwich, NUFC

 

 

Average Southgate
Southgate has been manager for almost 5 years now and I don’t recall him winning many matches that England weren’t expected to win. Many would point to his success at the 2018 World Cup as a major success but again that proves my point. The side, possessing quite a few stars, did not win any matches they were not expected to win.

In the group stages, they finished behind Belgium, the only half decent team in the group. Going forward in the knockout stages, they beat Colombia (but then only on penalties), Sweden and lost to Croatia. Looking at the quality of the squad, there is a strong argument that they should have won all 3 matches and that they only got so far thanks to an extremely lucky draw.

When it comes to international teams, the coach/manager does not have the task of actually coaching the players.The majority, if not the entire responsibility is borne by the manager of the respective clubs. The job then requires managers like Zidane who may not necessarily be the best coaches or tacticians, but good man managers and able to pick the best team.

Southgate’s man management skills, in my opinion, are just average. What is more glaring, is that even after 5 years on the job, he has not been able to identify his strongest team when the squad is packed with talent. If you look at it, the team more or less picks itself.

Let’s start with the attack. It would be insane to pick anyone other than Kane as first choice striker. On either side of him, Rashford and Sterling are the best attacking threats while Foden is more than an able backup.

On to midfield. Henderson has done a stellar job and been one of the key players in a Liverpool side that has won the PL and CL title. So Henderson is our pick for defensive/central midfield. For attacking midfield (2 players), choose between Graelish, Maddison and Mason Mount.

On to the defense. On Current form, Shaw is the obvious side while on the other side, Trent is the way to go despite recent form. Trippier is a good backup choice if not Trent. Bissaka, if the manager wants to be a bit more conservatice. The center backs is the only difficult decision owing to a variety of good but not great options. On current form, Stones and Magire could be the best choice.

Now this is a side that could go places. Just need a manager who has the sense to pick this team.
Adeel

 

Another ‘stupid tale’
In response to Bladey Mick’s email about vasectomy pain at football I have my own stupid tale.

I got lucky enough to spend a long time in Buenos Aires and pretty much watched the full Clausura season a long time ago. My team was River but we’d also go and see Boca a lot as well.

Boca ended up on course to win the league and we got tickets to the game where they’d likely seal the league victory. We were told to get there early as it was going to be insane and you wouldn’t get anywhere near the stadium within 2 hours of kick off. We got ourselves ‘tipsy’ and made our way down to the stadium.

For some reason I decided I’d wear my River socks which if you know the rivalry between the two clubs, that enough is a massive deal and bordering on rank stupidity. Anyway, we made our way up the rickety stairs and onto the top shelf at La Bombonera and despite the game being at least 3 hours away it was genuinely a site that took your breath away. People were going nuts and there was so much to look at. Unfortunately for me, I was paying too much attention to the crowd, tripped over a stair and stacked on the floor in front of a lot of Boca fans, who just laughed at me. I sprained my ankle and it was very painful.

Argentine girls are very good looking and this vision in Blue and Gold decided to come to my aid as my mates were too busy laughing and reached down to pull my trousers up and check my ankle for me. The brief niceties of this girl touching my ankle suddenly became terror as I realised she’d pull my jeans up and expose my socks for all to see. An Englishman wearing River colours, at Boca’s stadium was going to end very badly. I suddenly had to shove her off as she kept trying to pull my trousers up and literally had to shout in her face not to. Of course this made me a) look an arsehole and b) really weird and c) everybody decided they wanted to beat me up anyway. I just had to get up and run away as fast as my battered ankle would let me.

The rest of the game was spent with me wearing a hat to cover my fairly distinctive hair and stand on my ankle for a good 5 hours until we could leave the stadium and then walk about 2 miles until we could get a taxi.

100% won’t make that mistake again.
Lee, Hornsey
p.s. As an aside, if anybody knows the Barra Bravas shop in Bond Street Shopping, my friend wandered in there wearing a River tracksuit top and the pitbull serving behind the counter just growled River at him and he had to run out.

 

The right to qualify
Mike, LFC, London claims there is no reason for teams like Andorra or San Marino to be involved in World Cup qualifying. The obvious counterpoint to that argument is that Andorra and San Marino are sovereign states (in the case of San Marino, the oldest still extant state in the world,) so have every right to be considered a part of the community of nations.

Unlike, say, England.
Dara O’Reilly

 

One club nationality XIs
In response to Tom from Walthamstow I present the AC Milan Brazilian XI.

GK – Dida
RB – Cafu
CB – Alex
CB – Thiago Silva
LB – Serginho
CM – Emerson
CM – Leonardo
RAM – Rivaldo
CAM – Kaka
LAM – Ronaldinho
ST – Pato

It wouldn’t even matter that Pato didn’t live up to his potential with those 3 behind him, the entertainment factor would certainly be there but I suspect they might be vulnerable on the counter-attack!
Thom, Bristol

 

I don’t know about Barcelona’s Argentinians but Milan could field their own Selacaõ which would put up a decent show.
Dida
Serginho/Thiago Silva/Alex/Cafu
Emerson/Leonardo
Rivaldo/Kaka/Ronaldinho
Ronaldo

Manchester United had a decent spine of Dutch players but then you had dross like Buttner filling gaps so I gave up.
ThaiWolf, HK

 

Naz, I know I was being a bit cheeky with Gabriel Paulista, but he did qualify for Spanish citizenship in 2020 and said he was declaring himself available, so in (at the expense of poor Ignasi Miquel) he goes! As for Warmuz, sadly the pursuit of Sebastian Frey never turned into purchase and I didn’t want Cygan in goal.

I definitely missed a trick with Barca’s Brazilians and Dutch, but the opportunity to have Messi and Maradonna in the same team was too much to pass on, even if it is very unbalanced. Poor Mascherano.

AC Milan’s Brazilians would also be unbelievable if you got some of them at their peaks for other clubs.

My favourite thing about Arsenal’s French squad is the ridiculous depth of very mediocre centre backs. A veritable plunge pool of underhit backpasses, turning circles like Suez Canal-stricken container ships and a few hilarious own goals thrown in.
Tom, Walthamstow

 

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Former Assabet hockey player recounts alleged sexual relationship with coach Carl Gray https://stetmagazine.com/former-assabet-hockey-player-recounts-alleged-sexual-relationship-with-coach-carl-gray/ https://stetmagazine.com/former-assabet-hockey-player-recounts-alleged-sexual-relationship-with-coach-carl-gray/#respond Wed, 12 May 2021 07:01:38 +0000 https://stetmagazine.com/?p=340 Gray, now 82, declined to comment on Ticknor’s allegations, other than to say in an interview at his house, “We were best of friends. I respected who she was.” He has previously denied acting inappropriately with any girl he has coached. Estey Ticknor’s yearbook page during her senior year in high school shows her in […]]]>

Gray, now 82, declined to comment on Ticknor’s allegations, other than to say in an interview at his house, “We were best of friends. I respected who she was.”

He has previously denied acting inappropriately with any girl he has coached.

Estey Ticknor’s yearbook page during her senior year in high school shows her in hockey gear. She joined the Assabet program her junior year, and was promoted to the club’s top team as a senior. She eventually became a two-sport star at Dartmouth, but while in high school, Assabet coach Carl Gray tried to pursue a romantic relationship with her.Erin Clark/Globe Staff

Ticknor said she came forward after reading Globe stories about allegations that Gray for decades has emotionally harmed girls as young as 8 with profane verbal abuse, unwanted physical contact, and unannounced intrusions into locker rooms, among other complaints. She said she is speaking out also because Gray has not publicly taken responsibility for the damage his purported conduct has caused.

“Enough is enough,” Ticknor said. “Carl has provided all kinds of opportunities for girls that many of them would not have had otherwise. I respect that, but that doesn’t give him license to treat people in abusive ways.”

The US Center for SafeSport, acting on a statement from Ticknor, informed her June 1 that it has opened an investigation into the allegation that Gray engaged in sexual activity with her while he was coaching her in a program affiliated with USA Hockey. The center was authorized by Congress in 2017 to investigate sexual misconduct in Olympic sports.

Gray is renowned in US women’s hockey, having led a movement to make the sport accessible to girls when he founded the Assabet program in 1972. His program has won 52 national titles and helped more than 300 girls secure college scholarships, including dozens who have been selected to play for US national teams. Some have captured Olympic gold.

Gray is a member of the Massachusetts Hockey Hall of Fame. Many former players have credited his demanding coaching style with helping them reach their potential, and parents of other former players have praised his commitment to building the sport internationally, most recently by making a large investment in 2018 to take more than 30 children and parents to a tournament in Beijing.

Carl Gray began the Assabet hockey program in 1972.
Carl Gray began the Assabet hockey program in 1972.Josh Reynolds for The Boston Globe

But some of Gray’s abrasive methods have come under increasing scrutiny in recent months. The Globe reported in February that Mass Hockey, USA Hockey’s state affiliate, suspended three coaches of Gray’s nationally ranked Under 16 team for “prolonged and sustained verbal abuse [that] caused emotional distress” to seven players. Some of their parents and others blamed Gray for creating and fostering the allegedly abusive culture.

In April, the Globe reported that more than two dozen women who played for Assabet over the last 15 years had come forward and alleged that Gray bullied or belittled them. Some said Gray, without their permission, squeezed their biceps, while mentioning their breast size and referring to Chesty Morgan, an exotic dancer and adult entertainment star in the 1970s and ’80s who had a 73-inch bust. Other former players said Gray boasted of being “a sex beast” when he was younger.

READ MORE: Elite youth hockey coaches at Assabet Valley suspended after abuse complaints (February 2020)

READ MORE: Carl Gray, founder of prestigious Assabet Valley hockey program, comes under fire for treatment of players (April 2020)

READ MORE: Carl Gray resigns from Assabet Valley hockey program he founded after allegations of mistreatment (April 2020)

Parents felt helpless

Gray said in an interview in April that his coaching methods were designed to induce greatness in young players, not to harm them.

“You’re never going to be a nice guy to everybody, especially if you’re trying to develop Olympians,” Gray said. “It’s not easy developing an Olympian.”

The Assabet program announced April 10, less than a week after the story about Gray was published, that he had resigned from the organization. He also resigned from the New England Girls Hockey League, which he created. Gray continues to own Valley Sports, the Concord ice arena where the Assabet program is based.

Now, he faces Ticknor’s allegations. Earlier this month, a Concord police detective, alerted by SafeSport, contacted Ticknor, who said she has no interest in pursuing criminal or civil charges against Gray. She told the detective about her experience, including details about the police encounter at the park.

When Ticknor and Gray rose that night from the grass, she said, they saw a Concord police cruiser idling behind Gray’s sedan. She said they often visited the park after hours. She recalled watching Gray speak to the officer and being surprised that the patrolman sent them on their way without speaking to her.

When the Globe asked Concord police in February to produce any public records they had on Gray, those documents included no reference to the 1981 incident. Ticknor awaits a response to her own request for information on the incident.

“It would be interesting to see if there is evidence of an adult seeing something that clearly was not right,” she said.

Ticknor said Gray was sexually involved with her from around February to April of 1981, when she tried to end the relationship and confided about it to her mother. She said Gray tearfully resisted and reacted in part by appealing to her parents.

Carl Gray, shown in 2001, was married when he tried to involve Estey Ticknor in a sexual relationship in the 80s. He asked Ticknor's parents if he could take their daughter as his mistress. Gray is still married today.
Carl Gray, shown in 2001, was married when he tried to involve Estey Ticknor in a sexual relationship in the 80s. He asked Ticknor’s parents if he could take their daughter as his mistress. Gray is still married today.WIGGS, Jonathan GLOBE STAFF STAF/The Boston Globe

Gray was married then, as he is now. Ticknor’s mother, Matilda, said in an interview that she recalled phoning Gray about his alleged relationship with Estey. She said he showed up at her house, sat at her kitchen table, declared his love for her daughter, and described how he envisioned his future with her.

“He started drawing circles on paper about how he saw things going, with his wife as one circle and Estey as another circle,” Matilda said. “He wanted Estey as his mistress. I said, ‘What are you talking about? This is impossible.‘ ”

The Ticknors were having marital problems at the time, which they said may have made Estey vulnerable to an inappropriate relationship. Ticknor’s father, Malcolm Ticknor, said he remembered Gray saying at the kitchen table that he would divorce his wife and marry Estey.

“It was crazy, bizarre,” Malcolm said. “It was very stressful for Estey.”

The Ticknors said they sent Gray away and received Estey’s assurance that the relationship was over. But they otherwise felt helpless, as if reporting the activity were not an option.

“That didn’t happen back then,” Matilda said. “Who do you go to? The police? Nowadays it’s an obvious answer. It wasn’t then.”

‘Very confusing’ feelings

Estey Ticknor, too, said she felt overwhelmed. She first met Gray when he invited her to join the Assabet program during her junior year on the Concord Academy team, which practiced and played home games at Valley Sports. In her senior year, Gray assigned her to Assabet’s top team, whose roster included future Olympian Cindy Curley.

“I had never played at that level and wasn’t as good as the other players,” Ticknor said. “Carl screamed and yelled and berated me all the time. I was very scared of him.”

But, she said, “He made me desperate for his approval.”

Ted Sherman, Ticknor’s Concord Academy coach, said in an interview that she privately complained to him at the time about Gray’s alleged verbal abuse, sexual innuendos, and unannounced entries into locker rooms.

Sherman said he volunteered to speak to Ticknor’s parents about it, but she objected, fearing she would lose her place on the team and a chance to play collegiately. Ticknor said she told Sherman years later about Gray’s alleged sexual involvement with her.

Sherman expressed regret in the interview that he had not reacted more forcefully to address Ticknor’s concerns.

“I’m not particularly proud of that,” he said. “I’ve learned a lot more in this decade about how to put an end to that stuff.”

During Ticknor’s senior year, she rapidly improved at Assabet, and as college recruiters took notice, she said, Gray went from tormenting her to raving about her. He was tall, broad-shouldered, athletic, an electrical engineer at the Charles Stark Draper Lab.

“He could turn on the charm,” Ticknor said. “He was very charismatic, funny, smart. I definitely looked up to and admired him. Those feelings were very confusing.”

The Assabet team practiced Friday nights and played games on Sundays. They often gathered afterward in the back of the rink, Ticknor said, drinking beer purchased by older teammates. Gray typically joined them, and that winter he began driving Ticknor home because they both lived in Concord.

“He seemed flirtatious at first, but I thought I was imagining it,” she said. “Then one night he caressed my ear. It blew my mind. I had never had a boyfriend. I had no sexual experience at all, except for kissing a couple of boys.”

He began spending more time with her.

“I felt this intense exhilaration and excitement, even though I was kind of terrified. It was like a rushing train I couldn’t get off,” she said.

She recalled them connecting clandestinely, with Ticknor ducking into Gray’s car at the main gate of Concord Academy after school or hiking from her home on Annursnac Hill Road to a nearby elementary school after hours to meet him.

Ticknor’s lifelong friend, Lyza Morss, said in an interview that she was stunned one night when she walked with Ticknor from her home to Concord’s South Bridge Boat House to find Gray waiting for her. Morss was stunned, too, to see Ticknor climb into Gray’s car.

“I wish I had paid more attention at the time,” Morss said.

Estey Ticknor (right) and Lyza Morss (left) are shown in Ticknor's high school yearbook. Ticknor confided in Morss about her relationship with Gray after college. Morss also played in the Assabet Valley program.
Estey Ticknor (right) and Lyza Morss (left) are shown in Ticknor’s high school yearbook. Ticknor confided in Morss about her relationship with Gray after college. Morss also played in the Assabet Valley program.Erin Clark/Globe Staff

Ticknor remembers teammates teasing her about the attention Gray paid her and the praise he showered on her. During that period, she said, he nominated her for Assabet’s sportsmanship award, which was presented to her by Hockey Hall of Famer Bobby Orr.

Breaking it off

The winter of 1981 was special for the Assabet girls. They became a national power, criss-crossing the northeast US and Canada, often by bus, with Gray summoning Ticknor to sit in front next to him.

In early April, they arrived in Lake Placid, N.Y., to compete for the US Girls Amateur Hockey Association’s national title. Ticknor’s mother said she was surprised to see Gray sitting in a hotel hot tub with his players, with his arm apparently around Estey.

“It was weird,” she said. “But I never imagined Estey would have any interest in him.”

Others were suspicious, but Ticknor pushed back.

“I had all this terror and shame,” she said. “My friendship with my teammates meant so much to me, and I didn’t want to lose it. So I lied whenever anybody said anything about it.”

The Assabet girls won the national championship, at the same Lake Placid arena where the US men’s hockey team had stunned the world the year before by winning Olympic gold.

“I had never experienced that kind of excitement before,” Ticknor said. “It was huge that we won, and by then I had started to fit in socially with the team, which was a really a big deal for me.”

Estey Ticknor holds a photo of the Assabet Valley team. Carl Gray is standing second from left. Ticknor was part of the elite youth hockey program that has helped hundreds of girls receive college scholarship offers. Some have even won Olympic medals.
Estey Ticknor holds a photo of the Assabet Valley team. Carl Gray is standing second from left. Ticknor was part of the elite youth hockey program that has helped hundreds of girls receive college scholarship offers. Some have even won Olympic medals. Erin Clark/Globe Staff

Her relationship with Gray, meanwhile, was intensifying, she said. Home from Lake Placid, he drove her one day to the Battleship Cove Maritime Museum in Fall River and took her to dinner at the Cove Restaurant there.

She had resisted his attempts to have sexual intercourse, she said, until they returned that night to an upper office at his arena. She described the encounter as effectively ending their relationship.

“After that, I was totally freaked out,” she said. “I remember in the next couple of days saying to him, ‘I don’t want to do this anymore.’ He said he loved me. I said, ‘You shouldn’t be in love with me. You’re 43, I’m 17, and you’re married. This isn’t right.‘ ”

Once the season ended, she distanced herself from Gray. She had been recruited by several colleges, and she chose Dartmouth over Brown, she said, because she would be farther away from Gray.

‘He said he loved me. I said, ‘You shouldn’t be in love with me. You’re 43, I’m 17, and you’re married. This isn’t right.’’

Estey Ticknor on her interactions with Carl Gray

Ticknor became a two-sport star at Dartmouth, becoming the first women’s hockey player to score 100 points in a season and setting records for saves by a soccer goalie that still stand.

But she remained troubled by Gray. After college, she shared her secret with Morss, who also played in the Assabet program and recalled enduring alleged verbal and emotional abuse from Gray. Morss said Ticknor tearfully recounted her experience with Gray.

“She was so ashamed and so embarrassed,” Morss said.

Ticknor returned to Concord after college and wanted to continue to play competitive women’s hockey. Assabet remained the best program, and she decided to play there after making clear to Gray that their relationship was over.

“He started referring to ‘our thing,’ ” she said. “I said, ‘No, it’s not our thing. You were wrong. I was a child. You were an adult. It shouldn’t have happened.’ We went forward from there.”

A call for vigilance

In 1987, Ticknor was selected to play on a US national team, coached in part by Gray, that competed in Toronto for the first women’s world championship. The US team won bronze, but their participation helped lead to women’s hockey being accepted as an Olympic sport in 1992.

Estey Ticknor was part of the US women's national hockey team that helped the sport become part of the Olympics beginning in 1992. She went back to play for Assabet after college because she still wanted to play competitive hockey, despite Carl Gray still being in charge.
Estey Ticknor was part of the US women’s national hockey team that helped the sport become part of the Olympics beginning in 1992. She went back to play for Assabet after college because she still wanted to play competitive hockey, despite Carl Gray still being in charge.Erin Clark/Globe Staff

While some of her teammates went on to pursue their Olympic dreams, Ticknor began coaching girls’ hockey and teaching at Williston Northampton School, where she met and married a fellow teacher, Glenn Swanson. They had two children before they divorced in 2005, as she was going through the process of coming out as gay.

Ticknor now lives in Easthampton with her spouse, Dr. Tara Lagu, and their 3-year-old daughter. She is a licensed independent clinical social worker, with a private therapy practice in Northampton.

From personal experience, Ticknor said she understands the emotional toll an allegedly abusive coach can exact, especially on youths.

She cited Gray’s long history at Assabet and called on governing bodies such as USA Hockey and Mass Hockey to practice more effective oversight and enforcement.

“I would like him to take some kind of responsibility or the governing bodies to sanction him in a way to make it clear that his repeated bad behavior is not acceptable,” Ticknor said.

She called on parents, too, to be more vigilant. She said children should be able to pursue their athletic dreams without suffering verbal and emotional abuse. The damage, in some cases at Assabet, has long endured, according to Ticknor and other former players.

When Ticknor’s friends have asked why she has chosen to speak out now, she said, she has told them, “I have been part of a culture of fear and silence. The Assabet program reinforced the idea of ‘don’t say anything, be silent.’ When I saw the kind of egregious behavior that has been going on there for all these years, I decided it was time to tell my story, as old as it is.”

She praised the seven Assabet players who stood up last year and filed complaints about the allegedly abusive coaching in Gray’s program. Ticknor said she stands with them.

Estey Ticknor had two children with her first husband before before coming out as gay and marrying her partner, Dr. Tara Lagu. Her children – daughters Persis Ticknor-Swanson and three-year-old Freddie Ticknor-Lagu, and son Calvin Ticknor-Swanson, sit at the Ticknor-Lagu home in Easthampton.
Estey Ticknor had two children with her first husband before before coming out as gay and marrying her partner, Dr. Tara Lagu. Her children – daughters Persis Ticknor-Swanson and three-year-old Freddie Ticknor-Lagu, and son Calvin Ticknor-Swanson, sit at the Ticknor-Lagu home in Easthampton.
Erin Clark/Globe Staff

READ MORE: Elite youth hockey coaches at Assabet Valley suspended after abuse complaints (February 2020)

READ MORE: Carl Gray, founder of prestigious Assabet Valley hockey program, comes under fire for treatment of players (April 2020)

READ MORE: Carl Gray resigns from Assabet Valley hockey program he founded after allegations of mistreatment (April 2020)


Bob Hohler can be reached at robert.hohler@globe.com.

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Sex workers play a vital role in society, don’t make us criminals https://stetmagazine.com/sex-workers-play-a-vital-role-in-society-dont-make-us-criminals/ https://stetmagazine.com/sex-workers-play-a-vital-role-in-society-dont-make-us-criminals/#respond Mon, 29 Mar 2021 01:36:59 +0000 https://stetmagazine.com/sex-workers-play-a-vital-role-in-society-dont-make-us-criminals/ “I have always felt valued and respected by my clients and those with whom I worked. »(Photo: felt) Whenever I hear about sex work, it is often through the lens of negativity. The current narrative ignores those who choose to prostitute themselves and profit from it. People like me. I did my first lap dance […]]]>
“I have always felt valued and respected by my clients and those with whom I worked. »(Photo: felt)

Whenever I hear about sex work, it is often through the lens of negativity. The current narrative ignores those who choose to prostitute themselves and profit from it.

People like me.

I did my first lap dance in 1999.

What initially seemed like a quick and easy way to finance student life quickly turned into a legitimate career, which spanned 16 years.

Previously, I had viewed my femininity as a weakness or something that needed to be repressed.

In the strip club, it was my power; my source of creativity and a way to define my sexual agency.

Sure, there have been bad days – what work doesn’t have its ups and downs – but essentially my experience as a stripper has been positive.

Shortly after starting labor, I realized that the way stripping is conditioned and promoted by those who benefit from it does not reflect the reality of the job.

The poster imagery of nude female bodies displayed in submissive and sexual poses depicts workers as physical objects.

The truth is, while undressing is part of the job, you also need to be an intuitive and emotionally intelligent creature who can listen, absorb, soothe, and advise clients on the things they disclose privately. .

It disappoints me that workers and those who use their services are so demonized, especially when sex work is an integral and widespread part of society.

Often sex workers are respected confidants, which makes sex work one of the most acceptable forms of therapy for stressed professionals.

When I worked in this capacity, I always felt valued and respected by my clients and those I worked with.

I have company with many types of sex workers, including prostitutes, cam girls and pro-dommes, and most agree that clients all want the same thing: a private space to express themselves honestly or someone else. another can control their existence for a while.

I believe that this type of “leisure” is vital for everyone.

Many clients experience emotional difficulties because they have lost loved ones, are experiencing relationship or work issues, or are experiencing some sort of identity crisis and need a third-party perspective on a person’s life. whom they trust.

They want a space where they can be themselves and focus on their own needs without creating consequences in their personal or professional life.

Unlike the old stories of sexual “goddesses”, sex work today is often stripped of all emotional ties and reduced to a phallocentric and physical act that has become toxic and demonized as a result.

A little search for light on the origin of prostitution suggests that sex workers have traditionally played a similar role.

Around 5,000 years ago, sex workers occupied temples in Mesopotamia as “goddesses,” exhaled as spiritual healers and sacred sex therapists able to heal the emotional and physical wounds of those who had suffered trauma.

Sexual service was seen as a divine and spiritual gift, and money was freely exchanged hands in return for these services. Sex workers were cherished and respected. There are also accounts of male sex workers operating in the same capacity.

Unlike the old stories of sexual “goddesses”, sex work today is often stripped of all emotional connection and reduced to a phallocentric and physical act that has become toxic and demonized as a result.

Often, clients disrespect workers for choosing to do such a reductive work, and workers disrespect clients for reducing them to a physical commodity.

Money is the only thing behind this kind of exchange, which in my experience encourages unhealthy behaviors and relationships.

The criminalization of sex work further adds to this stigma and leaves workers and customers powerless to report abuse within the industry.

I fully support the decriminalization of the sex industry. For vulnerable workers who have no other choice of employment, decriminalization could improve the conditions and the level of support available. And for those of us who choose to do sex work, it would undoubtedly give us more rights, validate sex work as job, and give us the respect we deserve.

Respect for the right of a sex worker to choose to do what she wants with her body.

Respect for clients and their sexual needs, as well as the reasons for these needs.

Respect for the body and mind of sex workers; for the emotional and physical labor required.

Respect the rights of all sex workers and their clients to freedom of expression about their experiences without fear of retaliation or judgment.

Self-respect for those who choose to offer or use sexual services.

I would like to see a more positive portrayal of sex work in the mainstream media. Unfortunately, the experience of sex work is often used as a weapon against anyone in the public eye.

Meghan Barton Hanson’s appearance on Love Island this year sparked a wave of “slut shaming” because she previously worked as a stripper.

The default response to stories like this is to judge a woman on her sexual history and paint her negatively because of it.

Lily Allen was also recently humiliated for seeking the services of sex workers on tour, citing loneliness as one of the reasons for her choice, while her honest answer certainly resonates with us all.

Fortunately, communication through social media platforms opens the way for new ideas about sex work. Social networks have also enabled sex workers to unite and organize in positive spaces for sex where they can work side by side so that their voices can be heard.

This will perhaps be the catalyst for a change in attitude and above all for a change in legislation.

It would be great to see sex work decriminalized and redefined as a worthy and respected profession, a profession that truly offers a valuable contribution to society.

Cathy Keen is the Community & Events Manager for feeling, a dating platform for open-minded couples and singles.

AFTER : Criminalization of online platforms puts sex workers at risk – MPs must listen to the people they put at risk

AFTER : Online advertising protects sex workers – so why is the United States trying to stop it?

AFTER : What do sex dolls say about a woman’s role in the world?

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Ontario judge presided over Toronto-area Caribbean court cases https://stetmagazine.com/ontario-judge-presided-over-toronto-area-caribbean-court-cases/ https://stetmagazine.com/ontario-judge-presided-over-toronto-area-caribbean-court-cases/#respond Mon, 29 Mar 2021 01:36:59 +0000 https://stetmagazine.com/ontario-judge-presided-over-toronto-area-caribbean-court-cases/ A sculpture of jurors sits outside the Ontario Superior Court of Justice courthouse in downtown Toronto on February 12. Until recently, a judge who works in several courthouses in the west of the city presided over cases remotely while staying at a complex in the Turks and Caicos. (Evan Mitsui / CBC – image credit) […]]]>

A sculpture of jurors sits outside the Ontario Superior Court of Justice courthouse in downtown Toronto on February 12. Until recently, a judge who works in several courthouses in the west of the city presided over cases remotely while staying at a complex in the Turks and Caicos.

(Evan Mitsui / CBC – image credit)

As Canadians were urged to stay at home during the ongoing COVID-19 pandemic, an Ontario Superior Court of Justice judge was allowed to travel to the Caribbean and remotely preside over his court cases in Toronto area, CBC News learned.

The judge is responsible for holding civil and criminal hearings in several courthouses in the Central West region, west of Toronto.

But until recently, the judge – who left Canada for the Turks and Caicos Islands on Jan.9 and remains there – was conducting court cases while staying at a beach resort.

CBC News contacted the judge and she sent a request for comment to Superior Court Chief Justice Geoffrey B. Morawetz.

His office said the judge briefed Judge Leonard Ricchetti, a regional senior judge for the Central West region, of his plans before he left.

Amanda Jerome / The Lawyer's Daily

Amanda Jerome / The Daily Lawyer

“The situation which led to the trip involves very specific personal and confidential circumstances and on the basis of these was not considered inappropriate,” Morawetz’s office said in a statement.

Because the nature of these personal reasons is unknown, CBC News does not identify the judge.

The judge continued to preside over court cases for weeks after arriving in the Turks and Caicos Islands.

On February 8, shortly after CBC News asked Morawetz’s office if she worked in the Caribbean, the judge was advised to stop doing so.

“She had heard some cases following an oversight. She will not be scheduled to hear other cases outside the country,” the chief justice’s office said.

The judge is expected to stay in the Caribbean until the end of the month, his office said.

The judge left a few days after justice asked not to travel

The judge left Canada three days after Morawetz issued travel and work directives to all judges of the Ontario Superior Court.

“In light of the ongoing public health crisis, on January 6, 2021 Chief Justice Morawetz called on members of the SCJ judiciary to act in accordance with government public health advice to avoid non-essential travel,” he said. declared his office.

“He also acknowledged that there may be unique circumstances which require a member of the judiciary to travel, but, in general, he indicated that travel should be avoided and judges were advised to avoid sitting on the bench. procedure when they are outside the country. “

It is not clear whether other judges have traveled and held hearings from overseas, as officials have said they do not count.

“Judges are ultimately responsible for their own conduct. Some, but not all, will have discussed or sought advice or direction from their regional senior judge regarding travel,” according to the Morawetz office.

“As a result, regional senior judges will know if some judges are outside the province or the country, but they may not have information on all the judges or, in a given case, all the details.”

Public officials who traveled paid a heavy price

Some public figures who traveled during the closures imposed by the province have paid a heavy price in part because of public outrage.

In December, Ontario Finance Minister Rod Phillips resigned after learning he had visited St. Barts during the Christmas break.

Prime Minister Doug Ford said he was unaware Phillips had left the country until the minister had already arrived on the Caribbean island.

Frank Gunn / The Canadian Press

Frank Gunn / The Canadian Press

Ford himself has been ridiculed by some for taking a day trip to his Muskoka cabin last spring to check on construction work on the property after urging Ontarians to stay home.

Dr Tom Stewart, who was CEO of two Ontario hospital networks in the Hamilton and Niagara region and a member of several health advisory roles – including a provincial advisor on COVID-19 – visited in the Dominican Republic during the holidays. He was removed from his two CEO positions and resigned as provincial councilor in January.

Also last month, Hamilton area MP David Sweet resigned as chair of the House of Commons Ethics Committee after visiting the United States in December.

Many other public officials have also been publicly criticized for leaving the country to visit families, including sick relatives, or to check properties.

Returning Canadians Face Growing Barriers

While there is nothing illegal about traveling abroad during the pandemic, the federal government is imposing additional health and safety measures on returning Canadians to discourage travel.

From February 22, international travelers will be forced to quarantine themselves for up to three days in specific hotels at their own expense pending the results of a COVID-19 test.

WATCH | Hotel quarantines for air travelers go into effect on February 22:

If the test is negative, they will be allowed to self-isolate at home for the remaining 14 days of the quarantine period.

Canadian airlines have suspended travel to Mexico and the Caribbean, including the Turks and Caicos Islands, until the end of April in an effort to help contain the spread of the new coronavirus and its variants that are believed to be more transmissible .

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Kevin Hester Jr. gets scholarships from BC, S. Miss in first 8 days https://stetmagazine.com/kevin-hester-jr-gets-scholarships-from-bc-s-miss-in-first-8-days/ https://stetmagazine.com/kevin-hester-jr-gets-scholarships-from-bc-s-miss-in-first-8-days/#respond Mon, 29 Mar 2021 01:36:59 +0000 https://stetmagazine.com/kevin-hester-jr-gets-scholarships-from-bc-s-miss-in-first-8-days/ It might not be the ground speed record for the power conference’s fastest college football scholarship, but it could be close: after just over a week of playing the sport, the North Cobb’s great body, Kevin Hester Jr., has received scholarship offers from Boston College and the Southern Miss, among other programs. As posted on […]]]>

It might not be the ground speed record for the power conference’s fastest college football scholarship, but it could be close: after just over a week of playing the sport, the North Cobb’s great body, Kevin Hester Jr., has received scholarship offers from Boston College and the Southern Miss, among other programs.

As posted on its official Twitter feed and sent by our friends from Vivid Seats, Hester Jr. received his first FBS Division I scholarship offer on May 12, with Miss South comes forward. Four days later, Boston College followed suit.

It would be four strong days for any player. It was a remarkable setting for a teenager who played his first day of football on May 8, according to North Cobb coach Jesse Lynch.

If you think Hester’s physical makeup may have something to do with having him on campus, you’re right. The rising senior is listed as 6 feet 5 inches or 6 feet 6 inches and 230 pounds. That’s enough size to project himself as a college tight end or a defensive end, and Hester has the agility to play in either role.

This athleticism was born on the basketball court, just like the Antonio Gates-es of the league before him. He currently competes for the prestigious Atlanta Celtics of the AAU circuit and Adidas Gauntlet. In football, Hester has both the athleticism and the physical framework to absorb some of the punishment that would be given to him.

Still, the most important thing about Hester Jr.’s recruiting so far is the insight it provides into the appetite college programs have for tall, athletic standing meat. The drive to find the next big raw gem is pushing the best scouts in Georgia to see Hester, and maybe that will send him to Boston College or another Power 5 program that is confident in his ability to turn him into a big one. player.

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Women’s Sports Month: Michele Tafoya on identity through sport and competition regardless of gender https://stetmagazine.com/womens-sports-month-michele-tafoya-on-identity-through-sport-and-competition-regardless-of-gender/ https://stetmagazine.com/womens-sports-month-michele-tafoya-on-identity-through-sport-and-competition-regardless-of-gender/#respond Mon, 29 Mar 2021 01:36:59 +0000 https://stetmagazine.com/womens-sports-month-michele-tafoya-on-identity-through-sport-and-competition-regardless-of-gender/ Michele Tafoya has broadcast on sports ranging from soccer to table tennis and has covered several Super Bowls, Olympics, and almost every intervening event. She also hosted a sports talk show in Minneapolis – USA TODAY Sports Images When people across America turn on NBC Sunday Night Football, there are several things they can count […]]]>

Michele Tafoya has broadcast on sports ranging from soccer to table tennis and has covered several Super Bowls, Olympics, and almost every intervening event. She also hosted a sports talk show in Minneapolis – USA TODAY Sports Images

When people across America turn on NBC Sunday Night Football, there are several things they can count on. There will be a flashy and catchy theme song (currently sung by country star Carrie Underwood), Al Michaels will provide one piece by piece, and Michele Tafoya will chase the coaches along the sidelines.

During a sports broadcasting career spanning more than 20 years, Tafoya has covered almost every sport, from football and basketball to rhythmic gymnastics. She has worked for all the major networks except Fox and has covered the Super Bowl, the Olympics and still found time to connect with her broadcasting roots, running a radio talk show on Time to driving in his adopted Minneapolis for over three years at the height of his life. participation in ESPN’s NFL coverage.

Now that she has caught her breath Chasing Patriots Safety Malcolm Butler after her interception that won the championship, Tafoya told USA TODAY why she thinks sports are so important to girls.

USA TODAY: Thank you for taking the time to discuss women’s sports. Why is sport so important for girls today? What do they mean to you?

TA: I think they give girls a way to connect with each other, to connect with strengths that they maybe didn’t know they had. My daughter is 6 and has been playing sports for 3 years, and to see her feel accomplished and fulfilled with every skill she learns is to watch her grow. You see his confidence soar. I also love the team aspect. She loves being part of a team and she meets friends she wouldn’t meet otherwise. She learns to be a team player and a leader and follower when she needs it. All of these skills come out of sport. There is focus, hard work and determination, strengthening you both physically and mentally. It’s great to see girls absorb all of this and enjoy it.

My father was a pure Spanish man, and I feel lucky enough that he encouraged all of his daughters to play and watch sports when we were young. He took us to the Olympics, to baseball games, and we went to my first baseball game and Nolan Ryan threw a hit. And he made me love football. I’m so grateful because it gave me this amazing career. I play golf, I don’t play a lot of other sports right now in my life, but feeling like I could date anyone, male or female, and socializing and being active is a very rewarding thing.

WE AT: When did you know that sport was a key part of your life?

TA: I don’t remember ever having felt that way. We were all athletes in our family. My father was a huge sports fan. He liked athletics, football and basketball the most. It was from the start. My brother was an amazing All-State basketball player in high school, so it was a central part of our lives for as long as I can remember.

Michelle Tafoya said she was honored to be a part of the NBC Sports broadcast team

Michele Tafoya said she was honored to be a part of the NBC Sports broadcast team – USA TODAY Sports Images

WE AT: What were the biggest challenges you faced as a girl? Was sport involved in any way? Are these still the biggest challenges girls face today?

TA: I grew up in the 70s and girls weren’t as involved in sports as they are today. There was a little bit of, “It’s a little different and new, and not all of my friends are doing it.” Sometimes I got discouraged easily and felt like a failure. Especially having a brother who was such a great athlete. It was hard to see him do everything so well and not be able to match that. But back in the day, when you pick teams in elementary school, girls were often not picked first.

When I was in sixth, I was the quarterback on my flag football team, and I had a great WR, and it was so exhilarating for me to be able to play with boys. There were those challenges, and for some reason I was confident in my ability to throw. I grew up in a time when so much was starting to change at a rate we hadn’t seen. You felt like you were going to excel, or maybe not, and how would you feel like that if you didn’t. And maybe that’s why I ended up as a commentator rather than an athlete.

WE AT: If there is one thing you could say to girls and women who play sports today, or who might want to work in sports journalism, what would it be?

TA: I would say don’t think of yourself as a commentator, analyst, or commentator. Just think of yourself as a play-by-play commentator, analyst, announcer. Do not add the female. Obviously, more women play per game in women’s sports than I do. But look at Doris Burke, who broke new ground with play for play in the NBA. When I first started I think I was the only woman working in sports when I had my radio job. I was almost always the only woman covering matches and press conferences. I didn’t let him bother me. Did I feel it? Sure. But I saw myself on the same ground as all the other journalists at this press conference, and I would compete with them at their level. I don’t think I should have a better opportunity because there were fewer women journalists or all that stuff.

If you put that word “woman” in front of your title, you make yourself different, and I don’t think it has to be that way. You just say “I’m a journalist” and go do that. I have met women who were intimidated to go into the locker room and you could feel the chip on their shoulder, and I can tell you these women are no longer in the business. I think this also applies to any business. You should embrace whatever makes you feel good, but never let it define or separate you in a way that gives you a chance or makes you feel inferior or less capable.

WE AT: When did you realize you were a role model for other girls?

TA: I have a hard time with that, because sometimes I’m going to be recognized, and I still don’t realize that people see me on TV. I’m going to tell you a random funny story, that’s where I’ve spent most of the last 20 years, and as I walked up to the door of one of those SkyClubs, and two women walked past, and in conversation, and one of them said his daughter wanted to get into sports reporting and be like Michele Tafoya, and then they looked up and I was there.

Honestly, I still don’t feel like a model that way. If people feel that way, I really hope I’m doing the right thing all the time and giving myself a good role.

WE AT: What was that experience like?

TA: It was so weird. If you ever hear people talking about you like you’re not there, and to hear it that way, it was like you’re laughing at me. But it was pretty cool.

WE AT: Has working in a male dominated industry like sports journalism ever been difficult for you? How? ‘Or’ What?

TA: I think my first full time job on the air was in Charlotte on radio, and I think I went through a lot of growing pains there. I didn’t want to be treated like, ‘Oh, maybe she didn’t know that because it’s a her.’ But when I knew my stuff, I was sometimes asked about it. At the tournament in 1993, Jason Kidd was the playmaker at Cal, my alma mater, and they had a great team. They beat UCLA at UCLA. As it turned out, in the tournament that year, they were lined up to play Duke in Sweet 16. And I picked Cal on the air, and I got scolded. And Cal beat Duke. The good part was that the next day people called and said, “Dude, I guess you knew what you were talking about.” Somehow they needed proof, and I don’t think that would have happened if I was a guy. Because I was new to town and it was very unusual to hear a woman talk about sports on the radio, they really questioned that. We had to put our heads down and keep moving forward day after day.

It was not easy to have this commitment and this belief in me all the time. It’s a hard thing to do when people tell you otherwise. Somewhere in me I knew I could do it. So I just kept after that.

WE AT: Are you proud of the success you have had working in sports, regardless of your gender?

TA: Do you know what I’m proud of? I am very proud of my longevity and the scale of the events I have covered. The university world series, the three-time Olympics, the Super Bowl. I’m proud of this magnitude and I’m really proud to be a part of the group I’m with on Sunday Night Football. This group works very hard, and it might be hard to imagine, but we’re preparing like no other show I’ve ever been on. We work together and we support each other, and I’m really, really proud to work with Al Michaels and Cris Collinsworth and the team.

WE AT: Who has been your greatest mentor in sports? Do you see yourself as a mentor to other journalists now?

TA: My greatest sports mentor was my father. He trained me in a number of things and exposed me to all different sports and gave me great opportunities to learn. In this area, my Sunday Night Football producer, Fred Gaudelli, has been the greatest mentor for me. He was a great champion and a coach, and he made me better.

People have come to me for advice and I have worked with people. I try to help people when I can. I also know that everyone in this business takes a unique path to where they arrive. Mine was no exception, and I probably wouldn’t suggest going my way. I encourage people to find their own way. I never want to impose my philosophy or my approach on anyone. But I’m certainly open to answering questions and being a sounding board.

WE AT: What else do we need to know?

TA: Diffusion is harder than it looks!

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13 love and sex podcasts to spice up your ride https://stetmagazine.com/13-love-and-sex-podcasts-to-spice-up-your-ride/ https://stetmagazine.com/13-love-and-sex-podcasts-to-spice-up-your-ride/#respond Mon, 29 Mar 2021 01:36:59 +0000 https://stetmagazine.com/13-love-and-sex-podcasts-to-spice-up-your-ride/ The best podcasts make you feel like you’re chatting – uh, having a very one-sided conversation – with a close friend. This is why the medium works so well when the subject is love, sex or meet; if you find a good pod, it’s like listening to a smart friend give you their best advice […]]]>

The best podcasts make you feel like you’re chatting – uh, having a very one-sided conversation – with a close friend. This is why the medium works so well when the subject is love, sex or meet; if you find a good pod, it’s like listening to a smart friend give you their best advice every week or so.

We can’t get enough of it, so we decided to ask marriage therapists, writers, and comedians to share their favorite love podcast. See what they had to say below.

“My love / sex / everything favorite jazz podcast recently is“ Private Parts Unknown. ”It’s a relatively new travel podcast where hosts Courtney and Sofiya interview people in different cities around the world (their first is Helsinki) on gender and sex.I came for the fun jokes about how foreign cities have different attitudes about sex and sexuality, but I stayed for the in-depth discussions on the structural issues that are why foreign cities have these different attitudes. Johnathan Appel, a comedian in New York

“Married couple Rachel and Dave Hollis have created an amazing podcast on how we can be intentional to create a great relationship. They offer practical advice and speak candidly about topics that many couples are afraid to bring up openly. Plus, they’re hilarious and will make you laugh even when talking about tough topics! “- Vanessa Marin, sex therapist and creator of online courses

“We knew Nicole Byer was hilarious and engaging from her Netflix show ‘Nailed It!’ and her comedy specials, but this podcast is Nicole next level. While she honestly talks about her own dating dilemmas, Nicole’s fun friends and interesting experts help her understand why she (and so many other women today) are still single. – Damona hoffman, dating coach and facilitator of the “Dates and companions“Podcast

“My favorite podcast is ‘LoveLink’, hosted by two Brooklyn therapists who interview experts from all disciplines – from researchers to astrologers to psychologists – on all things love and sex. The conversations are captivating in their honesty. They explore the intimate corners of human relationships with such thoughtful undertone, like the latest episode on the impact of attachment styles on our adult relationships. – Tara Fairbanks, therapist in Los Angeles

“My favorite sex podcast is ‘Sex Talk With My Mom’. Cam Poter and her mom, KarenLee Poter, talk about an insane variety of sexual issues, ranging from basics like pegging and anal, to orgasmic meditation and cream pies. They interview the most fascinating experts (the phone sex operator is particularly good). They are so vulnerable and they keep listeners up to date with everything that is going on in their life, so the pod is a mix of education and pretending that you are listening to your friends’ sex gossip except that they are mother and son. Their dynamic is also great as they disagree on everything (dude in his late 20s and hates casual sex). Highly recommend! “- Ginny Hogan, sex and dating writer at Elite Daily

“My favorite podcast that focuses on love is the New York Times ‘Modern Love’ podcast based on the column of the same name. The short essays submitted by general readers on love are read aloud by celebrities and, on occasion, by the author himself. An intro and music are added and the essay is read aloud like a soliloquy. It definitely brings a new dimension that you can’t just read in print or online. Stories are often vulnerable and touching. “- Marni Feuerman, registered psychotherapist and author of Ghosted and Breadcrumbed: Stop Falling For Unavailable Men and Be Smart About Healthy Relationships.

“I love ‘Modern Love’ because a lot of storytellers recognize that modern dating is all about presentation and you have to stand out when people are glaring at you, all of which I try to help my clientele! It’s a great look at how people look at other people and how you can improve your game to stand out in the crowd. “- Ollie Pearce, a dating coach

“In an otherwise vanilla mix of sex and love podcasts, host Damona Hoffman delivers some incredibly interesting and diverse guests. Plus, she talks about meeting her husband online long before it becomes the new normal. I would give him two condoms! – Natasha Lewin, editor-in-chief of Zuckerberg Media and co-host of the “Once Upon a Timestamp” podcast

“I recently discovered Ken Page’s ‘Deeper Dating’ podcast. Ken breaks down common blockages to finding healthy love using proven, research-based psychological approaches (eg, attachment theory) and accessible, actionable language. What a relief to find wise dating advice that avoids outdated and damaging “advice” that emphasizes games! In addition, Ken is kind and pleasant to listen to. “- Jessica engle, founder of Bay Area Dating Coach

“Each week, the very funny host and human Rebecca Bulnes talks to the guests about their childhood favorites, from elementary school to high school. It’s hilarious and at the same time, I feel better naming a Build-A-Bear after a guy I had a crush on in seventh grade who said no when I finally had the courage to ask him to. dance with Me. “- Carrie Wittmer, author of New eroticism for feminists

“I’m still browsing the archives for ‘Dear Sugars’, an advice podcast produced by WBUR and The New York Times and hosted by writer Steve Almond and Wild memory Cheryl Strayed. The couple handed out tough love and emphatic advice on everything from ghost and sexless marriages, to getting away from toxic parents and learning to say ‘no’ to the people in your life. Steve and Cheryl are both quite comfortable using their own life mistakes as learning moments for listeners, which makes the capsule a beautiful ‘older sister giving lessons of the great life’. ‘. “- Brittany Wong, lifestyle reporter at HuffPost

“My favorite podcast is the ‘Sexology’ podcast with Dr. Moali, a Californian psychologist born in Iran who moved to the United States with her family at the age of 17. What I like about the podcast is Dr. Moali’s approach. and style. She offers sex science research and practical tools to improve her sexuality and relationships in a curious and informative way, which makes it easier to absorb taboo subjects. Each week, Dr. Moali interviews a variety of guests including sex researchers and therapists on topics such as polyamory, conscious sex, sexual jealousy and more. If you are looking to expand your knowledge base on sexual health and learn from the experts in sexuality, this is it. You can also listen to the podcast in Farsi! “- Janet Brito, psychologist and sex therapist in Honolulu

“Both are greeted by real women, with real-life experiences talking about the inner workings of relationships and orgasm. Rémy Kassimir, host of “How Cum”, could not reach orgasm and accompanied everyone step by step through every detail of the female orgasm. And “ Girls Gotta Eat, ” hosted by Rayna and Ashley, is about the inner workings of romantic relationships and adventures: when to move in, whether to move in or when to play for the night and let go. Love them both! – Mara Marek, host of “The Happy Never After podcast

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Can you pee with a tampon? https://stetmagazine.com/can-you-pee-with-a-tampon/ https://stetmagazine.com/can-you-pee-with-a-tampon/#respond Mon, 29 Mar 2021 01:36:59 +0000 https://stetmagazine.com/can-you-pee-with-a-tampon/ Overview Tampons are a popular menstrual product choice for women during their period. They offer more freedom to exercise, swim and play sports than the pads. Because you are putting the tampon in your vagina, you might be wondering, “What happens when I pee?” No worries there! Wearing a tampon does not affect urination at […]]]>

Overview

Tampons are a popular menstrual product choice for women during their period. They offer more freedom to exercise, swim and play sports than the pads.

Because you are putting the tampon in your vagina, you might be wondering, “What happens when I pee?” No worries there! Wearing a tampon does not affect urination at all, and you don’t have to change your tampon after urinating.

Here’s a look at why tampons don’t affect urination and how to use them correctly.

Your tampon enters your vagina. It seems that a tampon is blocking the flow of urine. Here is why it is not.

The tampon does not block the urethra. The urethra is the opening to your bladder and sits just above your vagina.

Both the urethra and the vagina are covered with larger labia (labia majora), which are folds of tissue. When you gently open these folds (Hint: use a mirror. You can get to know yourself!), You can see that what looked like an opening is actually two:

  • Near the front (top) of your vagina is a small opening. This is the exit from your urethra – the tube that carries urine from your bladder out of your body. Just above the urethra is the clitoris, the point of female pleasure.
  • Below the urethra is the largest vaginal opening. This is where the tampon goes.

Although a tampon does not block the flow of urine, some urine can get into the string of the tampon as urine flows out of your body. Don’t worry if this happens. Unless you have a urinary tract infection (UTI), your urine is sterile (without bacteria). You cannot give yourself an infection by peeing on the tampon string.

Some women don’t like the feel or smell of a wet thong. To avoid this you can:

  • Hold the string at the side when you pee.
  • Remove the tampon before peeing and put on a new one after urinating and drying off.

But you don’t have to do anything with that if you don’t want to. If the tampon is properly inserted into the vagina, it will not block the flow of urine.

To use tampons correctly, first choose the correct size tampon for you. If you are new to this type of menstrual product, start with the “slim” or “junior” size. These are easier to insert.

“Super” and “Super-Plus” are best if you have a very heavy menstrual flow. Don’t use a pad that is more absorbent than your flow.

Also consider the applicator. Plastic applicators fit more easily than cardboard ones, but they tend to be more expensive.

How to properly insert a tampon

  1. Before inserting a tampon, wash your hands with soap and water.
  2. Stand or sit in a comfortable position. If you are standing you might want to put your foot on the toilet.
  3. With one hand, gently open the folds of skin (lips) around the opening of your vagina.
  4. Holding the tampon applicator by its middle, gently push it into your vagina.
  5. Once the applicator is inside, push the inner part of the applicator tube up through the outer part of the tube. Then remove the outer tube from your vagina. Both parts of the applicator should come out.

The tampon should be comfortable once it is inserted. The string should hang outside your vagina. You will use the string to remove the tampon later.

This is generally recommended that you change your tampon every four to eight hours or when it is saturated with blood. You can tell when it’s saturated because you will see stains on your underwear.

Even if your period is light, change it within eight hours. If you leave it on longer, bacteria can grow. These bacteria can enter your bloodstream and cause a serious condition called toxic shock syndrome (TSS).

Toxic shock syndrome, however, is rare. See a doctor immediately if you suddenly start having a fever and feel unwell.

Here are some ways to keep your tampon clean and dry:

  • Wash your hands before inserting it.
  • Change it every four to eight hours (more often if you have a heavy flow).
  • Hold the string at the side when using the toilet.

When it comes to peeing with a tampon, do whatever makes you comfortable. Whether you prefer to remove the tampon before urinating or right after, is up to you. Just make sure to keep your hands clean when inserting it and change it every four to eight hours.

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